The art of gifting, emotions behind it

By: Renee Roman Nose

Posted: 1/16/08

In my culture gifting is a very common and accepted act that occurs far more often than not. Among other tribes, such as the Crow, gifts are very significant; a new bride is totally outfitted by her husband's family with regalia from head to toe. This is done in a public way, usually at a pow wow, where families will cover the new bride with gifts ranging from beaded buckskin dresses to Pendleton blankets, multiple pairs of moccasins, jewelry, and other gifts, all this to show her acceptance into their family. Gifts are given for all manner of things, to honor someone, to thank them for touching your life, as a sign of respect or to help out someone in need. To refuse a gift is highly insulting, just as refusing food is also insulting among many Native people of America as well as among the Vietnamese.

Gifting, giving Native-style, is a long and proud tradition. Sometimes it is as simple as folded cash slipped to someone in a handshake to help them get home, to help them pay rent or a late bill, or to buy medicine or just because you know they are struggling. Sometimes the gift is something personal, something you have made and have invested time and effort into.

When the gift is something that has been made, there are requirements that I have been taught are important parts of the gift - as important as the gift itself. When making a gift for someone, your thoughts while making the gift should be of the person you are making it for. How important they are to you, what you think of them, what kind of person they are, all good thoughts must go into the making of the gift. If, while you are making the gift, you get interrupted or have thoughts that are not positive, I have been taught that the work must be set aside and you go back to it when you are feeling positive again, thus preventing any bad thoughts from residing within the gift.

I have been a very fortunate person, in that many of my friends have given gifts to me over the years. I have also had the good fortune to share gifts with many people who have touched my own life.

Often a gift is given when someone admires something that someone else has on, usually a piece of jewelry or an article of clothing, it is then presented to the person doing the admiring. My friend Melodye, who lives in Florida, has several pieces of jewelry from me and me from her. She is an artist and makes jewelry of great beauty which is a lucky break for me as her best friend. Another friend in Wyoming has a ring that I gave her; one in Arizona has a bracelet. The size of the gift is inconsequential; it is the love behind the gift that is what is truly prized and remembered.

During a trip to Regina, Saskatchewan 10 years ago, one of my friends admired my coat, a new ski jacket that was metallic blue and reversible. She swore that you couldn't find anything like that in Regina and was gushing over it. I promised it to her, but made her wait until my three day visit in December and I had an eight hour drive home from Canada to North Dakota where temperatures sometimes reach 70 below with the wind chill. To this day we joke about the "blueberry coat" and we each laugh about it.

The fact is I can get other rings, other bracelets, other coats, other whatever material thing it is that my friends or family members admire and I then gift to them. We, as Native people, all know that we aren't supposed to admire what belongs to someone else. So, when it does happen the admiration is genuine and heartfelt and the gifting should be no less. For many tribes once given, the gift cannot be "re-gifted." The gift given will always remind the bearer of the generosity and kindness of the person who gave it to them. It doesn't matter what the cost is, it may be expensive, or it may not.

What is important is that I cannot replace my family members or friends. No one can take their place. I joke with them that I have to come visit my ring in Florida, or my coat in Regina and they'll have to feed me while I'm there and let me sleep on their couches, then they laughingly threaten to do the same and we do.

I was at a National Congress of American Indians conference in Tucson one year and ran into the Chairwoman with some other friends at breakfast and she said to me, "I love that blouse!" I replied with, "I'll have to give it to you later, if I gave it to you now, I'd be naked!" We all laughed, but I had it laundered at the hotel and gave it to her the next afternoon. I ran into her last year and she reminded me of it, telling me that she still had the blouse. I still have our friendship; I can get another blouse anywhere.

What material things do you have that you could do without? What gifts do you have that would brighten someone else's life? What traditions do you have that are more altruistic than materialistic? When was the last time that you spontaneously gave something away just because? Was it your time? Was it your talent? Was it a special moment spent with an elder, a child, a friend? Did someone do something special for you? Who do you know who could use five bucks for gas or lunch money? You can call it "pay it forward," you can call it "gifting" or you can just call it "sharing the love." It matters not what you call altruistic giving, it matters only that you do it.

Renée Roman Nose is a graduate student in applied anthropology. The opinions expressed in her columns, which appear every Wednesday, do not necessarily represent those of the Daily Barometer staff. Roman Nose can be reached at forum@dailybarometer.com