Sex advice: the answers you need

By: Kathy Greaves

Posted: 10/1/08

Dear Dr. Sex,

Does ejaculation always follow pre-ejaculation, or can you pre-ejaculate without ejaculating?

Signed,

Wondering

Dear Wondering,

There really isn't a specific process known as "pre-ejaculation", per se, but there is a fluid called the pre-ejaculate or pre-cum that is released during Masters and Johnson's plateau phase of sexual arousal. In this phase, the Cowper's glands secrete the pre-ejaculate fluid, a clear, thick, slippery fluid. While its purpose is not fully understood, it is believed that this fluid provides additional lubrication for intercourse as well as cleanses the male's urethra prior to ejaculation. It is really important to remember that many times, the pre-ejaculate contains sperm, usually from a recent ejaculation. This would explain how women get pregnant from no actual ejaculation, but simply from the pre-ejaculate.

So, to answer your question, yes a man could release pre-ejaculate without actually fully ejaculating. If aroused enough, the pre-ejaculate will come out, but then the man may or may not have the opportunity to ejaculate fully.

Dear Dr. Sex,

Can you please recommend a vibrator? I have been looking online but there are so many different types of vibrators. I am new to these sex toys so if you can recommend a nice vibrator let us know!

Signed,

Frustrated Shopper

Dear Frustrated Shopper,

I guess it's better to be a frustrated shopper because you have too many choices than to be a frustrated shopper because you have very little choices. Here is some information that I hope will help you to narrow down your selection.

First, let me distinguish the difference between a dildo and a vibrator. A dildo is a phallic-shaped object used to simulate intercourse, either vaginal or anal. A vibrator is simply something that vibrates. You could also have a vibrating dildo, which would be something phallic shaped that also vibrates.

Most vibrators, however, are not phallic shaped. Many, many vibrators are quite small actually. The reason for this is that most vibrators are used by women and these women are using the vibrators to stimulate their clitoris, a process which typically brings them to orgasm. Since the clitoris is relatively small, the vibrator doesn't need to be very big.

Given that, here are some things to think about. Do you want to incorporate the simulation of intercourse into your vibrator session? If so, then you would want to pick a product that is phallic shaped and vibrates. Sometimes it is only the phallic part that vibrates. In essence, it's a vibrating penis. Now maybe it's just me, but you have to see how that is not natural. I mean, come on. A vibrating penis? Doesn't mean it won't feel good. Just know that very few men have a penis that vibrates all on its own. Maybe the guys here should be a bit concerned as the vibrating dildo could be a tough act to follow. Ah, I digress.

Other vibrating dildos have an additional feature that sticks up from the phallic part. This enables the user to simulate intercourse while the additional feature sits outside the vagina and stimulates the clitoris. This is more along the lines of a "have your cake and eat it too" scenario.

If you don't want to simulate intercourse, then you just need a basic vibrator. Still, there are lots of choices out there. These include battery-operated vibrators, electric vibrators, waterproof vibrators, G-spot vibrators, remote - controlled vibrators, mini vibrators (as small as 2 inches long) and wearable vibrators. Given all of that, my suggestion would be to go to www.goodvibes.com and check out their vibrators. It is one of the best selections I've seen. Read the detailed descriptions as well as the customer reviews. In many instances, it is more a matter of personal preference than anything specific. Some women buy numerous vibrators before they find one that is just right.

Just as a side note, those contraptions that we call "massagers" that are marketed as back massagers - yeah, those are vibrators and many women have been known to use their "back massagers" to reach orgasm. Just like many women have been known to use a hand-held shower head to reach orgasm. Women can be quite creative when it comes to self-stimulation.