Arbitrary Argument: All wrapped up!

Which will you decide? The spontaneous wrap or the traditional burrito

By: Alex McElroy & Ruben Casas

Posted: 5/16/08

Wrap

What's the trendiest, healthiest food craze to hit the United States since the Victory Garden? Why, it's the wrap, of course.

These delicate pipes of food are more than just the preferred choice of nourishment (or lack thereof) for anorexic yoga instructors. They embody the American melting pot. (And don't try and say that a melting pot embodies the actual melting pot, because who uses those anymore besides witches?)

What other food allows for its creation with the combination of whatever you may find in the fridge? Utilizing the crisper, which forms an alliance with the meat drawer, along with aid provided from the condiments in the door. With the supplies on the counter, lay out your favorite flavored wrap - the choices are limitless: wheat, spinach, chipotle, "thatza" (for those in the movie business). Then arrange the fillings, fold and roll.

With each bite you'll be peering into the organs, the soul of the meal you've just crafted. You can't microwave a burrito then claim responsibility for filling it with, well, if you know what's truly in there then you're probably eating a wrap.

But what are the other health factors associated with wraps? I'm not one for the low-carb diet fad, but if you do decide to try it out for a week or two - before deciding that the extreme lethargy, nail polish breath and constipation that go with it are too much - I bet that a wrap will be No. 1 on your lunchtime list.

There are other health reasons, besides the lack of carbohydrates, why you should eat a wrap.

Sometimes a sandwich is just too big, with bread coming from all directions - the top, bottom and hell, even a slice in the middle. But with a wrap, all the meat, veggies and condiments get crammed into a manageable, handheld tube ready for you to daintily pick at under a lilac tree or shove down your throat while flipping off that guy who just cut you off.

And that brings me back to my original point: The wrap is America. Are we not the country that prides itself on multitasking? What food fits better in your palm than a wrap? A sandwich barfs on you if you try to eat it with one hand on the wheel. Nacho cheese is the No. 2 cause of third-degree lap burns. And who really wants to eat a turkey leg while driving?

Another thing about wraps: According to my studies (poking my half-eaten lunch with a toothpick) as a nutritionist (fun fact: you can become a registered nutritionist by mail order!) encasing food in a wrap eliminates its calories!

You can choose whether or not to believe that last detail, but the other evidence is fool-proof: Wraps are trendy, portable, and they make you look cool when you hold them. They're like cigarettes without the cancer!

Burrito

The burrito, as you and I know it, has got to be one of America's greatest inventions, right up there with the wheel. Wait, did Americans invent the wheel? Well, Anonymous did, and we all know he was American.

Anyway, the burrito, born in San Francisco circa 1960, is great because regardless of what you put in it, it makes a strong statement about the culture that consumes it (for 99 cents if you "think outside the box").

The statement? "If America needs to feel good about eating me, the notoriously plump, full-bodied and full-of-good-things feel-good food in this new age of lite, low-cal, high-protein and otherwise bland engineered foodstuffs by calling me something other than my name - by calling me a wrap - then fine. Just don't neglect me."

Feeling good is what the burrito is all about. Feeling good about eating the burrito is what calling it a "wrap" is all about.

Some might argue that the burrito and the wrap are different because a burrito is typically filled with beans, rice, meat and cheese, while the wrap is filled with traditional sandwich fixins such as lettuce, tomatoes, sautéed mushrooms, guacamole, onion, shredded cheese and some sort of dressing. That difference is negligible, however, and the Non-existent Official Burrito Building Guide (NOBBG) confirms it.

Interesting fact: the burrito isn't traditionally a Mexican food, just like fettuccine alfredo and General Tso's chicken aren't either, though certain trendy eateries in the country now offer it. Here, then, is another classic case of culture adoption, culture negation and finally - the apex of this uniquely American phenomenon - culture renaming. These are the steps of American Cultural Feel-goodness. Just as with all good psychological and developmental processes, we're all mostly still in denial.

A burrito, by definition, is a wheat flour tortilla filled with whatever filling you feel like putting in it. Heck, by this definition you can make yourself a peanut butter and jelly burrito if you want.

The food technology we've adopted as the tortilla does not discriminate; eaters who feel guilty about what they put in their mouths do. But if calling it a wrap makes you feel better - like how ordering a double cheeseburger with bacon, a large order of fries and two apple pies is justified by the health-conscious choice to wash it down with a Diet Coke - then who is the burrito to stop you?

Alex McElroy & Ruben Casas

diversions@dailybarometer.com