Physical, sexual activity are different

By: Kathy Greaves

Posted: 4/16/08

Dr. Sex,

My girlfriend and I are not sexually active. She has chosen to wait to have sexual intercourse until she is married, which I respect. Although we are not having sex - per se - we are still physically active, taking part in just about every manner of physical activity - other than actual penetration. I generally wear a condom just to be on the safe side even though we are not having sex. Fingering, masturbation, oral, etc. are all fair game.

Now the reason I explained this was to ask you this... She keeps getting bladder infections. It seems as though at least once a month she is getting them and put on some sort of medication. Family friends have told me they used to get them all the time when they were younger and such, but they seem to be happening so often. I'm starting to wonder if it's something I'm doing to her or there's something I can do to fix it?

Signed, Am I Doing Something Wrong?

Dear Am I Doing Something Wrong,

There are two things I'll address here.

First I'll address an issue of semantics and then I'll answer your question about your girlfriend's bladder infections.

The issue of semantics has to do with your use of the phrases "sexually active" and "physically active." You say you are not sexually active, that you are not sexually active "per se," but that you are still physically active. I feel compelled to correct your use of these phrases.

Physically active means moving around physically and getting exercise, so going to the gym, walking, running, biking, playing tennis, swimming equals being physically active. What you are doing with your girlfriend has nothing to do with physical activity unless you are really moving around while doing it. What you are doing is being is sexually active - absolutely sexually active.

You said you were "taking part in just about every manner of physical activity other than actual penetration."

What you should have said was that you are "taking part in just about every manner of sexual activity other than actual penetration." You also said that you "generally wear a condom just to be on the safe side even though we are not having sex."

What would have been the more accurate language would have been "I generally wear a condom just to be on the safe side even though we are not having intercourse."

The reason I bring this up is twofold.

First, many teenagers and young adults fool themselves into a false sense of security when they tell themselves that they aren't sexually active simply because they aren't having intercourse. The false sense of security lies in the fact that many STIs are transmitted through sexual activity other than intercourse - the type of sexual activity that includes skin-to-skin contact.

So if you keep telling yourself that you aren't sexually active, then you have yourself convinced that you are not at risk of contracting an STI. I know you said you are wearing a condom (which is very good), but condoms don't protect you from all STIs.

The second reason I bring this issue of semantics up is because of the recent media reports that the number of college students who are sexually active is now lower than in previous years.

I highly doubt that these students are less sexually active than their predecessors. They may be abstaining from intercourse, but they certainly are sexually active if they - like you - have their mouth on someone else's genitals or their finger in someone's vagina.

Here is my rule on determining what is and is not sexual activity. If it turns you on and you wouldn't do it with your grandmother or grandfather, it is sexual activity.

Now on to your "real" question. Bladder infections (also known as urinary tract infections) are caused by bacteria getting into the urinary tract, which includes the urethra, the bladder and the kidneys. Bacteria get into the bladder through the urethral opening which, on a woman, is just above the vaginal opening.

Therefore, many women get UTIs as a result of sexual activity because the urethral opening is so close to the vaginal opening (the focal point of so many sexual activities).

Keep in mind that bacteria normally cover the outside of your body and the inside of your mouth. What is probably happening is the bacteria on your hands and in your mouth are getting into your girlfriend's urethra during sexual activity, and that is what is causing these infections.

Some women are more susceptible to UTIs than other women, some women are more likely to get UTIs when they are younger and some women report that they contract UTIs with certain sexual partners, but not others.

There are two things she can do to prevent them in the future.

The first is to urinate soon after sexual activity. That way, if bacteria did get into the urethra, she can urinate them out before they have a chance to get back to the bladder.

The second thing she can do is drink six to eight ounces of cranberry juice a day. There is something in cranberry juice that keeps the bacteria from taking hold and multiplying in the bladder.

I also want to point out that cranberry juice is not a cure for a bladder infection, but rather a preventative measure.

If she gets another bladder infection, cranberry juice will not make it go away. The only thing that makes a bacterial infection go away is an antibiotic, which is probably what she has been getting.

Kathy Greaves Ph.D., is a senior instructor at OSU in the department of human development and family sciences. The opinions expressed in her columns do not necessarily represent the views of the Daily Barometer staff. Greaves can be reached at kathy.greaves@oregonstate.edu or by placing questions in the box at the MU information desk. All questions submitted to Greaves are subject to being answered in her Dr. Sex column.